Today I find myself writing, exactly a year on from when I embarked on keeping a webular journal. There has been a change no? From me to my core. An internal journey from head to heart. From exterior to interior. I feel very happy amidst the rain. I feel satisfied. A years worth of moments captured, not lost, certainly not forgotten by me. Kept. For as long as the networks can cope, for as long as the space taken by these fonts remains burden free.
What did I read today? Rather apt, I thought, I began reading a book called Haggai. In the first chapter the focus is on repositioning the heart. A year on and I am learning to reposition my heart. Alignment. Biffy Clyro sing, “take a long hard look at yourself” could there be any better fitness regime to adhere to on a daily basis?
Haggai wrote of a spirit that had no place for generosity and urged the people to re address this promptly. When confronted with generosity I stop, and melt a little. When confronted with generosity from a source that is poor in wealth and time, I stop and look to see Him in their lives. Christian, Non Christian, Muslim, Sikh, Baha’i, Agnostic, Atheist, when I see generosity from the heart I see Him in their lives, regardless of where they are coming from. Regardless of what they subscribe to.
The Manics sang “Be Natural For Once in My Life” What a beautiful place to start the day. What a beautiful place to start this new year. My new year. Alignment. Change. A condition of the heart.
In compression from distortion to diamond. In compression from grit to precious pearl. In compression from carbon to gem stone. On the outside everything looks the same. On the inside Everything has changed. On the outside breathing in and out, heart expanding and contracting, it’s all the same. On the inside, breathing in life, heart growing, spirit changing, it’s all different.
When I was nine years old I was bullied. Bullied because I was different to everyone else, had a different name, had a different skin colour. My father would give me the lunch money which I would deposit in my very own tobacco tin, with my name on it. The bully would take my money daily. He was a year older than me and would follow me home, the two and a half miles to my house and punch me a few times on the way. I used to hide in the toilets after school. He would be waiting outside. I would pray for rain. When it rained he wasn’t interested in bullying, he just wanted to get to his bully home. Walking home in the rain is where I felt safe. I began to love the rain. Because it fell with parity, on black and white, rich or poor, male and female, bully or bullied. There is an equality about the rain that forces people into change. Covering heads, running for cover, opening umbrellas, stop bullying.
Zephaniah is a prophet who writes of great anger and judgement. I read this book today and could feel condemnation. I could be made to feel ashamed, however I do not believe that was the spirit in which this book was written in. The Old Testament stories are hung together on a much broader picture; that God has chosen a people to act as an expression of His love, His way of living. To view Israel would be to view what it means to have a relationship with God. For the God of the bible, Israel’s manifestation of Him was far too erratic. Good kings and bad kings, major and minor prophets, none of them could create the balance and harmony to represent Him. Israel was chosen to be the example to the world and it was failing miserably. Zephaniah is a book centred at those calling themselves one thing, but acting like another. This message is not for all. Hypocrisy births this response. One of judgement and anger. I must be that which I profess to be. For too long I was not. What Israel were incapable of doing with consistency, The Christ can offer eternally; Substitutionary atonement. A life of consistency, balance, peace and hope.
I believe that He is for all. I believe that He is closer to all than the religious would care to think. I believe that hope is a bigger word than most can comprehend, I believe that the pious will be surprised when hearts are revealed on that day.
