videotape March 31, 2009

In the last month I have learnt about my journey. How the various articles of my faith fall into specific points within my journey.

 

I have felt the benefit of rituals meeting the Scared. I live in this mystery that is hope fuelled and not meant to be as complex as scholars make out. There is simplicity to life that is enchanting

 

East

When the world was a child, she had a bad experience and ran away. Thousands of years later I am still running away, in the same easterly direction. From the moment I was crawling, I was crawling East. I am mind, body and spirit. Only one of these needs to be walking eastward in order for the whole to follow.

East is; the days we have on this earth and nothing more.

East is being naked in this world. No one owns anything, it’s all borrowed. Nothing gets taken from here to there. There is no carousel after death where you can wait for your bags. East is Naked. 

East is The Tower of Babel, going to Tarshish by boat and The Tree of Knowledge, littered amongst soliloquies from those who did it their way.

 

Name

In the midst of my travels, I hear my name, pronounced in a way only I know. It is my unique language that cannot be explained or taught, it is as idiosyncratic as my fingerprint and as unrepeatable as the set of circumstances that delivered me onto this planet. I stop. It sounds beautiful, but it fades too quickly. It sounds beautiful but the mass of travellers going East drown out the sound of my name. It sounds beautiful but I must run in the direction I have been running all of my life.

I hear my name falling to the ground but the birds come and take it away before it can be planted. I keep on running East. I hear my name falling to the ground but the ground is hard, I keep on running East.

 

Rotate

I hear my name, pronounced in a way only I know. It is my unique language that cannot be explained or taught, it is as idiosyncratic as my fingerprint and as unrepeatable as the set of circumstances that delivered me onto this planet. I hear my name falling to the ground and it grows. The voice is louder, clearer. In that moment I understand a portion of what it means to have my name called uniquely. In that moment I see in a very dim light, a promise being made to me. I scream out the words “Thank You”

I engage with mind, body and spirit. I rotate. My head, my soul and my heart now face a direction I had only ever seen going the other way. I am facing life. The world is hurtling past me at terrific pace. I rotate and move toward the voice I cry.

“O God You are my God, and I will ever seek you”

 

Ark

An Ebenezer is literally “a stone that saves” it serves as a reminder of a significant moment. I fall to the floor and grab an Ebenezer, I grab another. I need something to put them in. I find a box, a place where I can keep these Ebenezers. A collection of these stones will become an altar, filled with meaning that is personal to me. “O God You are my God” becomes my Shema, (Like a verbal Ebenezer) I put it in my box of stones. This box contains stones and words that I view and repeat daily. My Ark.

 

Selah

Selah, means Stop and Listen. As I begin to walk, I keep stopping and listening. I want to be careful that I do not lose sound of the voice. I walk, I stop, I am still. I listen.

Constantly listening to the calling. Frequently finding myself desperately trying to hear he voice, I have to stop. Selah. Quiet, Silent, Still, until I can hear my name again. Through my journey I pass the pain and hurt that I ran through in my earlier life. I pick up an Ebenezer. I do not want to forget, where I came from.

Every day I cry, “O God You are my God, and I will ever seek you” As the backdrop to my cries I hold onto Psalm 106, “His love lasts”, it represents more hope than my human frame can absorb. It is another written Ebenezer placed inside my Ark.

 

Breathe

I breathe, I inhale a mixture of oxygen, pollution, heaven and The Christ. He is in the expansion and contraction of my lungs. When I breathe I am praising Him. When I pray I am acknowledging Him.

Each time I pray, my soul creeps toward Him. Prayer is weightless, yet outweighs my heavy circumstance. 

I breathe. Selah. I pray. Selah.

From this place, God begins His work in me. He breathes ”the breath of life” into my nostrils, and I became a “living creature” My eyes are opened for the first time. I blink. Genesis. 

I listen to Him, to His stories and they change me, they change my world. His truth like steam from a hot bath encompasses me like brightly coloured ribbons that dart and trail around my being

I become more like Him. And He is my Rock. Unbreakable and yet broken for me. A gemstone with no blemish, yet blackened for me. Set in a high place, yet lowered for me. Priceless, yet cheapened by me. Unchanging yet changing me. Impregnable yet standing with open arms like a father waiting for his prodigal son. 

He is my Rock, but He is unlike any rock known to man. Impervious and sure under foot. A rock that makes all things new. A living rock, one that sings out praise. 

Be Still. Breathe Him.

 

Kneel

The more I journey toward my name, the more I feel like bowing. Like Mephibosheth I want to crawl to Him.

My humanity is dwarfed by his divinity. I kneel before my God.

I want to run toward Him and run away from Him at the same time.

I am filled with fear and excitement.

 

Judge

He is my Judge, so I need not judge. I am still, I breathe, I kneel. In that place I am ready to be taught by Him. He teaches me to speak with measure and humility. He teaches me to speak with Honesty, regardless of right or wrong actions, He wishes for my honesty. I will remind myself of His grace and justice that encompasses all time and spans my entire life.

 

 

Restoration

You, God, have uprooted this twisted tree from this twisted forest and replanted me unravelled and honest  in Eden. I do not control or seek to control my life. My Leaves rustle in the wind drowning out enemy talk. By day and by dark this tree belongs to You, My God. You answer me in pregnant silence. You still the storms that threaten to break my branches. Your answer grows in silence like a baby in the womb. Your answers grow with me and in me.

 

We are all poor in spirit, we are all hungry in hope, we all live on scraps and we are all searching through rubbish bins but through The Christ we can be justified, redeemed and made new. Me, you, society, the world, it has all been covered in the reconciling work of The Christ. 

A big explosion created the world, and a big implosion restored it.

 

trainspotting March 31, 2009

My life spent, meandering eastward, toward pride and self-coronation. In the midst of my travels, I hear my name, pronounced in a way only I know. It is my unique language that cannot be explained or taught, it is as idiosyncratic as my fingerprint and as unrepeatable as the set of circumstances that delivered me onto this planet.

 

In that moment I understand a portion of what it means to have my name called uniquely. The voice promises not to register my bag of crimes, and to lift from my shoulders the crimes done to me. My reconciliation with The Christ.

I scream out the words “Thank You”

 

I rotate and move toward the voice I cry.

“O God You are my God, and I will ever seek you”

 

I run to the distant voice, when I am closer, I begin to walk and when I get closer still, I begin to crawl. Like Mephibosheth. The closer I get to Him, the more I am aware of his greatness and my smallness. The more I want to run toward Him and run away from Him at the same time. I am afraid and in awe.

 

All the time I cry, “O God You are my God, and I will ever seek you” As the backdrop to my cries I hold onto Psalm 106, “His love lasts”, it represents more hope than my human frame can absorb. It is an Ebenezer paced along with my Shema inside my Ark. It is the only thing I carry as I journey toward Him. 

eternal March 30, 2009

God’s love lasts. These three words stand at the gateway to Psalm 106. They are the security, with earpieces blocking entry into the proceeding text , unless you acknowledge God’s goodness and love in your own life.

What if His love did not last? All would be lost. The collection of stories in the Bible would simply represent a fairy tale that had expired. Generations would read of hope and reconciliation and not be able to access any of it.

 

If it is true and His love does last forever then it represents much more than the words themselves.

 

“His love lasts”, is a siren to this earth. Do not invest your life in that which will perish. His love lasts; long after matter itself has decayed and become no more, the atmosphere shrinking a little, His love will still be lasting. Beyond the mortgage payments and council tax, His love lasts. Past the exhaust fumes that trail the blaze of consumerism, His love lasts. After the chrysalis from boy to man, His love lasts.

 

God’s love lasts, is a call to investigate Him. Is God man that He should lie? “His love lasts” is a three word testimony to the narrative of the Old Testament. “His love lasts” is a call to action. For me, the Psalmist is calling me to acknowledge God’s divinity and then His Lordship over my life.

 

So I rotate and listen for the voice. The same voice that calls everyone’s name uniquely. The same voice that asked Adam where he was, the same voice that called Moses from the flames, the same voice that spoke over Jesus’ baptism, the same voice that calls me. “His love lasts”, is history wrapped up in future, grace intertwined with judgement, sunshine and rain, life and death.

 

“His love lasts”, represents more hope than my human frame can absorb. It is my Ebenezer, my Ark, my Passover.

Kneel March 29, 2009

There is a book in the New Testament library called Hebrews; the book warns against the “add on” philosophy. The concept that faith through Jesus is not enough and that somehow we need Jesus+The Law, in order to satisfy our salvation. The book of Hebrews makes it clear that our salvation is solely dependant on Jesus. And anything that one “adds on” in order to strengthen ones faith merely dilutes it.  

Further into the book of Hebrews the writer speaks of how Jesus was tempted but remained without sin. The word tempted in Greek has its roots in the world Trials. Life itself is a trial. Living against the flow of life is truly defeating the trials of life, not just the abstention of negative moral choices but also a proactive way of living, a new way, His way. Repent, therefore, is truly a holistic process. Our whole being, mind, strength and soul needs to turn around, into the new way of living.

We were taught to pray for this new way of living daily.

The Kingdom of God is topsy-turvy, we pray for it to be released on Earth as it is in Heaven, we pray for His will to be done. These are huge statements that we utter.

 

Psalm 103 is written by King David, a psalm that rotates the soul. King David is saying we need to turn our soul toward God. I need to turn my Soul toward God because it is still facing the tower of Babel, it is still facing the tree of knowledge, and it is still facing man’s control.

In the Psalm, David writes “ As high as Heaven is over the earth, so strong is His love to those who fear Him.” “God’s love, is eternally present to all who fear Him” “As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear Him”

 

My life spent, meandering eastward, toward pride and self-coronation. In the midst of my travels, I hear my name, pronounced in a way only I know. It is my unique language that cannot be explained or taught, it is as idiosyncratic as my fingerprint and as unrepeatable as the set of circumstances that delivered me onto this planet. I stop. Selah. I rotate. Selah. I have a choice. I move, carefully in the direction of the sound. Constantly listening to the calling. Frequently finding myself lost, having to stop. Selah. Quiet, Silent, Still, until I can hear my name again. Through my journey I pass the pain and hurt that I ran through earlier in the opposite direction. I journey on toward the calling. The more I journey toward my name, the more I feel like bowing. The more I journey toward the voice the more I am filled with fear, excitement and hope.

We are all called to turn around, and walk the other way. As we walk we approach Him, our humanity is dwarfed by his divinity. I kneel before my God. 

rev March 28, 2009

¹ Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth.

² Sing to the LORD, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day.

⁴ For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;  he is to be feared above all gods.

8 Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name;  bring an offering and come into his courts.⁹ Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth.

¹⁰ Say among the nations, “The LORD reigns.” The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; he will judge the peoples with equity.

A tonic for healthy living; Two parts reverence, One part creativity, One part sacrifice. Drink daily, preferably after prayer times, on a forgiven stomach.

I feel more and more, like I am in Oz. Searching with the Tin Man, the Lion and the Scarecrow for something we have lost, or something we never had. I read Psalm 86 yesterday and today after reading Psalm 96, I am struck again by the holy fear and reverence that seem to be lacking in my journey. 

Like in Oz, before the great wizard was unmasked or un-curtained, The travellers were humble and contrite before him. They expressed a fear that was reserved for greatness. One word from the wizard was enough to shoot the Lion like a cannonball out of the Emerald City.

King David used this Psalm when he brought the Ark into Jerusalem, (1 Chronicles 16:23-33) The Ark served as a reminder to the people of where they had come from and what God had done for them. Looking on at the Ark, with stories and memories of the past flooding their minds, David says, Sing a new song for Him. Thank Him daily. Show Him your respect, Show Him your reverence. Bring Him the sacrifice of your lives and trust that He Judges from the Kingdom of Heaven and not the world. 

Like Mephibosheth I kiss the cold tiles on the palace floor. Like the Lion I hurtle like a cannon ball. Like the Tin Man I clang before Him and like the Scarecrow I shake in my being. Standing before Him in my prayers is as close I get to the Emerald City on earth. I approach Him with a supplicant spirit, a surrendered heart and an obedient head.

Press March 27, 2009

I feel more and more like I am in Oz. My companions like myself are trying to find something they have lost, or maybe something they have never had.

trouble March 27, 2009

King David, had a troubled life. Many of his psalms seem to have been composed whilst fleeing for his life. In Psalm 86, he built an altar, planted for travellers. A reference on How to seek relief from miseries.

There is praise mixed in with supplication, however, I believe that at the heart of David’s prayer is the continual evolution of Godly fear. A Holy reverence that bends me into a position of discipline and obedience. Without the fear of God, my life becomes a reluctant chore. One dutifully performed, with little modesty and much pride. 

Did I usher the Sun into the sky this morning? Did I bring relief for the Moon’s nightshift? He did. For my being to truly love God, I need to truly capture, within my tiny mind, His kingdom and Reign.

Then, with a soulful of love, heart bursting with relationship and a head full of obedience can I present myself to Him. Like Mephibosheth, I crawl. The cool of the palace tiles on my face. I crawl. He is my King. 

tears March 26, 2009

Your Grace embraces me in mystery. I do not understand, but I cry “Thank You.”

Thank You for falling on my life like an ocean. flooding this barren soul. You make all things new. Thank You.

Thank You for the reconciliation of all things; My bag of crimes, The crimes done to me, The crimes of the world I was born into. Thank You for straightening this twisted tree. Thank You for replanting me, by a stream in Eden, nourishing my roots. Bearing fruit. Growing. Thank You that my heart does not grow twisted and black anymore. 

The Author of the Genesis in my life, Thank You. You breathe life into my dusty lungs

You are my Oxygen, my Matter, my God, my King, my Judge.

Your sign Your name in the air every time I breathe.

burn March 25, 2009

¹O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;  my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land  where there is no water. 

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,  my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Written by David, the opening verse of this Psalm set the tone for my life, the starting point of where I want to be. In six words David acknowledges the existence and divinity of God and also professes his faith in God. “O God, You are my God” David cries out, he is yearning for God, it hurts.

David is longing for God. I am Longing. This world is longing. The sun,moon,sky, and the oceans are all longing, they stir, somehow they are incomplete. They all burn with a yearning for God. They all roar. Each in their own language; The sun, in rays that pierce the heart of man, cries out, “O God You are my God, earnestly I seek You.” The moon, who searches for Truth in the inky blackness of night, cries out “O God You are my God, earnestly I seek You” The sky, in stretching over the globe in pursuit of Him, cries out ”O God You are my God, earnestly I seek You” The Ocean, never fixed, constantly moving, she is foraging for You, she cries out ”O God You are my God, earnestly I seek You.” And when I awake, as the town I live in rubs its eyes,  I cry out “O God.” “O God” “O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You.”

There is a longing that burns in the heart of society, it burns in the heart of everyone. It burns in my heart. For some this longing can be reconciled, for others it just hurts until engaged, a journey waiting to be acknowledged. For me this longing burns and is satisfied when I lose myself in pursuit of Him. Through day and through dark, my soul cries out “O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You.” It becomes part of my Shema. My life. 

trainspotting March 24, 2009

When I breathe, I inhale a mixture of oxygen, pollution, heaven and The Christ. He is in the expansion and contraction of my lungs. When I breathe I am praising Him. When I pray I am acknowledging Him.

Each time I pray, my soul creeps toward transformation. Prayer does not conform to the rules of this world. Prayer is a new primary colour. Prayer is not subject to fall at 9.8 meters per second, per second. Prayer is weightless, yet outweighs my heavy circumstance. 

I breathe. Selah. I pray. Selah. This is my starting point.

From this place, God begins His work in me. He breathes ”the breath of life” into my nostrils, and I became a “living creature” My eyes are opened for the first time. I blink. Genesis. 

I listen to Him, to His stories and they change me, they change my world. His truth like steam from a hot bath encompasses me like brightly coloured ribbons that dart and trail around my being

I become more like Him. And He is my Rock. Unbreakable and yet broken for me. A gemstone with no blemish, yet blackened for me. Set in a high place, yet lowered for me. Priceless, yet cheapened by me. Unchanging yet changing me. Impregnable yet standing with open arms like a father waiting for his prodigal son. 

He is my Rock, but He is unlike any rock known to man. Impervious and sure under foot. A rock that makes all things new. A living rock, one that sings out praise. 

Be Still. Breathe Him. Choose Life. Crown Him.