heartbreaker April 30, 2009

Unrequited love. The angst of teenage life. Maturity gives way to measure. Reading Song of Songs, I can’t help feeling there are multi stories emanating. A love between a man and a woman that is sensual and sacred; A love between God and man that is holy and passionate and an equality between man and woman. 

In the context of Song of Songs; there is only one heartbreaker, and that’s me. God reaches out to us. He lays His cards on the table, an open book. I accept or reject. We are a world of heartbreakers. So difficult to make a good choice when we are all born into hurt and pain, all distorted, all marked with mortality. Not surprising that many reject God, my heart when it was twisted, found it hard to accept such a pure love. 

God accepts me. In verse five and six a dash of insecurity and desire for acceptance is sprinkled into the relationship. He accepts her. I have a dash of insecurity and desire for acceptance, I also know that to offer those feelings to the world would be to perpetually feed my fears. Like the man who constantly eats and is eternally hungry. The world never accepted me it just asked more of me. When I offered my insecurity and need for acceptance to God, I felt the reassurance one might equate with a tree being replanted, being dropped into the earth, an audible bass frequency moves the ground beneath somewhat. I felt reassurance that was beyond acceptance, I was home. I belong. 

Sacred, holy, intimate and tender is my understanding of God and so is it the environment of my marriage. Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy-keep thinking about these things.

youth April 29, 2009

Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.

All my studies of Ecclesiastes have led me to the conclusions that the yardstick employed by the author is the frustration of mortality. Everything is meaningless because everybody has limited time on earth. Within this context the exhortation to enjoy ones youth is understandable. 

Did David enjoy his youth? Playing music and fighting giants? Did it serve him well? Did it affect the man that he would become? Could he have lived his youth differently? 

Circumstance is part of what makes our lives entangled with original sin. I could have been a child en route to war, en route to school or en route to hunt with the men of the tribe. I recall my youth with a fair degree of unhappiness however I cannot ignore the rush of being young. The limited knowledge of a world reduced to the size of my street. 

The writer of Ecclesiastes talks of entering a time when our bodies will fail us, we become old; that is our decay, our distortion that cannot be stopped anymore than God intervening before disasters and suffering. My remnant of  man pursuing knowledge above God, is mortality. It is my birthmark. Getting old. Packaging, not shiny anymore. Shrink wrap ripped,  carton squeezed, the straw lost long ago. The rush of being young? Equalled by the thrill of being alive for another day. Walking packaging, a living suitcase. My choice to give all that I have to Him. My choice to be an empty jewellery box. Treasure stored elsewhere. Let the jewellery box decay, let it fail. What is important left the box some time ago, what is important still lives. The exterior will fade the interior will soar.

trainspotting April 28, 2009

A week that started with the rich and prophetic prayer of Agur. 

Pollen honesty said  what would his prayer mean in an age of credit? How would Agur’s provision be measured when cards provide us with all our needs and wants, a dependency on self, a quickstep away from the manna of the creator. 

Like everything that has a “made in the world” barcode across it, credit cards can pull me away from Him. Can pull me away from being human. The things of God increase my world and make me feel human. The things of man shrink my world and advance me into slavery.

My faith for so long has been from a distance watching a parade, only recently I approach and realise this is not a parade, I am drawn into the heart of my faith. Upon arriving on the scene of the march I am chosen to help carry a cross. Servant-hood, discipline and consistency now grow in my heart. I follow Him. Only then can my life have the meaning that exceeds life. Before that moment, living is a problem because everything dies, futile. After that moment life means more, it means more to those who fled Egypt; a curtain wall of sea water bordering their humanity. Life meant something to Mephibosheth pulling his bodyweight across King David’s marble floor. The Expectation of crawling to his execution capsized as the rest of his days were blessed. No longer to hide in shadows, a validation of his life. Life meant something to the sons of Korah who lost so much yet they sang of so much more. They sang of Him. Life means more even when there is pain.

Life is worth embracing. My soul re planted nearby a stream bordering an orchard. Not twisted anymore, but straight, undistorted. Rain on the fingers of an untwisted soul feels like heaven. Maybe that’s a little of what Andrew Dufresne felt.

Fear can keep you a prisoner but hope can set you free.

shawshak April 27, 2009

I used to think that discipline was somehow at the expense of enjoying life.  What I have actually found in consistency is a freedom I could never have imagined. As I journey deeper into the bible and further into me I am able to chart my route to God. 

Discipline facilitates the eradication of slavery. Like the masses at Sinai or like the disciples with Jesus, before they could learn to be human beings, they had to unlearn being slaves. 

We are all born with distortion, spiritual and physical. Our physical distortion begins the moment we breathe on this earth and the clock on our mortality commences the backwards countdown. Death will visit all of our bodies. Spiritual distortion however, is not permanent, The Christ has defeated spiritual death and forged a path for us all to travel. This journey requires an orientation of my spirit, to be transformed from distorted to His image. This discipline is the changing work of rotation. This is love. 

In chapter nine of the book called Ecclesiastes the author encourages everyone to embrace life. His writing has the urgency of someone resigned to physical death but intent on enjoying limited time on earth. For the first time, I am able to embrace life as a human being, free. My soul re planted nearby a stream bordering an orchard. Not twisted anymore, but straight, undistorted. Rain on the fingers of an untwisted soul feels like heaven. Maybe that’s a little of what Andrew Dufresne felt.

Fear can keep you a prisoner but hope can set you free.

hurt April 26, 2009

C.S. Lewis wrote  ”God whispers to us in our joy and shouts to us in our pain”

The author of Ecclesiastes 7 writes, “You learn more ata funeral than at a feast”

What both are alluding to are the deep and profound spiritual lessons that can arise from pain. In a way these issues are seldom revealed in that kind of depth through joyous experiences.

Hurt should not be sought but when it arises should be investigated. Very few of the charecters within the pages of the bible were able to enlarge their world and grasp a concept of God without experiencing pain or hurt. From the sons of Korah to Mephibosheth, from Adam to Noah, from Jacob to David, from Job to Jonah and from Joseph to Jesus they all experienced pain. 

Within my hurt there are lessons to be learnt and mysteries to be revealed, however I need to engage with Him in order to learn and not to accommodate my own pity.

futile April 25, 2009

What is good for me? What is good for my life? Peace. A peace that rests within my skin. In my mind, in my heart. A happiness that supersedes laughter, a happiness that is born out of peace. I have no doubt in my mind, heart and body that living a peaceful, happy and honest life is the best way to live. A life with harmony and quiet has space, accountability, discipline and ultimately; GROWTH. The fruit is where it’s at.

Ecclesiastes, chapter six, tackles the lack of parity we have in life. Some rich, some poor, some happy, some in pain. The author deduces that because everyone dies at some point, life is rendered futile. 

Life meant something to those who fled Egypt; a curtain wall of sea water bordering their humanity. Life meant something to Mephibosheth pulling his bodyweight across King David’s marble floor. The Expectation of crawling to his execution capsized as the rest of his days were blessed. No longer to hide in shadows, a validation of his life. Life meant something to the sons of Korah who lost so much yet they sang of so much more. They sang of Him. 

A bicycle with no wheels or a sword with no blade is meaningless. An escape from slavery where everyone drowns is meaningless. A life lived in fear and shame is meaningless, as is one where there is nothing to sing of. A life without the Christ, A life without the creator of life is meaningless.

tensile April 24, 2009

Two are better than one. The author of Ecclesiastes wrote that in Chapter Four; Eden witnessed that miracle, companionship birthed. Two are better than one; Moses had a brother who spoke for him. Two are better than one; as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Two are better than one; Jesus sent out the twelve, two by two. 

Community strengthens. Marriage reinforces. Two are better than one; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. Moses prayed on behalf of Aaron, Jonathan lifted up David through God. Simon of Cyrene was surprised to find himself picking up a cross. 

I found myself surprised picking up a cross. My entry in to Christianity has been through a gospel of salvation, with a backdrop of eternity. Servanthood, Discipline and Consistency were not part of the initial call and like Simon of Cyrene I found myself approaching what looked like a parade but as I grew closer my faith was called into question. By taking up the cross I am able to fulfil my responsibilities as a disciple, as a follower of The Christ. 

I breathe. My wife loves me, my God saves me. Two are better than one, but a cord of three strands cannot be easily broken.

human April 23, 2009

Quite unlike any other book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes explores the usual fields of endeavour with striking honesty. Reading the pages, I am reminded of Israel leaving Egypt and spending time at Sinai. In that place a nation had to unlearn what it meant to be a salve and learn what it meant to be human. Human like Adam was, created in His image. A human with humanity.

My life is a transformation, every day I am trying to become less like a slave and more human, I am seeking to have more humanity. When I die, I hope to be a human bursting with humanity, completely in His image, the way he would want me to look without the distortions.  

Being Human can often be reduced to an excuse. I am only human you know. The implication here being that we all make mistakes. However being human shouldn’t be equated with mistakes. Errors of judgement develop when I pursue my own course of life, when I take control of my life. In fact, I could argue, that to be fully human and pursuing God, is the closest my physical body can be to that of The Christ. 

The book of Ecclesiastes is remarkable as it focuses on the consequences of not pursuing God. The author decides to control his own life and ends up having no control as the futility of it all towers over his head. Mortality becomes the only truth he has to measure his life against. Like Agur’s prayer yesterday, the author had too much and decided he didn’t want for anything, including God. This path does not lead to being human. Just as Israel realised in the wilderness, rejecting being human means embracing being a slave. A slave to power, sex, money, adventure and knowledge.  

In chapter two, the author explores every pleasure that he desires. Remember, because he has chosen to control his own life, his yardstick can only be mortality. When this is the case, each experience becomes an opiate. Each experience becomes a larger opiate, for life must me dulled as mortality is the only measure. Each experience spirals him further away from being human. Finally, like Tyler Durden said,  all the things he controls end up controlling him. Is he happy? He experiences pleasure but something is not right. However hard he tries to control his own life, he cannot stop his soul craving for hope. A life disconnected from God is folly. 

Disconnected from God; my world becomes small, mortal, urgent and opiate laced.

Connected to God; my world becomes infinite, eternal, slow and peaceful.

hidden April 22, 2009

 Give me enough food to live on. Neither too much nor too little. If I’m too full I might get independent saying God? Who needs Him? If I am poor, I might steal and dishonour the name of my God. {Proverbs 30:8-9}

Agur prays a profound prayer that call the spiritual and physical into focus. Almost at the end of the book of Proverbs this prayer can be found following another profound entry by Agur.

Who has ascended to heaven and come down?
Who has established all the ends of the earth?
What is his name, and what is his son’s name?
Surely you know! {Proverbs 30; 4}

This man from Mash, somewhere in between Judea and Babylon, appears so briefly in the old testament you could be forgiven for not knowing he was a contributor. His contribution however, so large that it outweighs his obscurity. Six hundred years later in John 3:13 it is written; No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. For me I find this an incredible revelation that words recorded thousands of years ago can impact my life. Agur isn’t around to see East Sussex in the twenty first century and John didn’t live long enough to see man land on the moon. When I read their words I am calling them into today. I am calling them and their wisdom into an age of  multimedia communications and am stirring up the story of The Christ. A story maintained, sometimes hidden for protection, kept safe from Herod’s atrocious genocide. Hidden within Proverbs, tucked into verse 4 of chapter 30. Sometimes revealed in the most unlikely ways to the most unlikely people. Always alive. Always relevant. 

Agur appears, delivers and disappears. Like the mystery of Christ today, to some He is still hidden, a brief thought that appears then disappears. 

Agur continues in verse 8 to ask for his daily bread, which pops up a few hundred years later in Matthew 6 and Luke 11. He draws a parallel between desperation and control. He doesn’t want so much food that he becomes self sufficient and begins to marginalise God from his own life. He wants to maintain the perspective that God is his provider. He wants to remain submissive.  Agur feels that having an excess could distort his relationship with God. 

Agur also prays that he doesn’t have too little. He sees that with little, there would be a temptation for him to make up the rest. Again issues of control are brought in although this time the motives are slightly different. With too much food Agur would have a false sense of security and abandon God; with too little food, he would begin to doubt that God would meet his need and intervene himself. Both scenarios lead to control being taken by Agur of his own life, both scenarios are what Agur wishes to avoid. 

Agur brings me much clarity to the understanding of  The Christ. His work is hidden, I had to find it. Agur brings me hope, brings me wisdom, brings me doubt and brings me closer to The Christ.

trainspotting April 21, 2009

You are my embassy. My protection and safe haven in a distorted world.

You are my ambassador of hope, love, grace and peace.

Your endorsement is all I seek. I do not want to exhaust myself chasing bank notes issued by man or prominence afforded by this distorted world. Your visa rescues me.

Your word is my diesel, fuel for my soul. Your book is my passport; you move me. A pilgrimage of the heart.

My suitcase is empty. I am poor in spirit. I have a bankrupt childhood. Over the edge of an open grave I mourn a life that could have been. Fresh earth crumbling onto the coffin from the shuffle of my trainers. My death, my mistakes, my hurts. My suitcase is empty. 

A pilgrimage of the heart; You clothe me in riches. You dress me in wisdom. My suitcase is empty but my heart is full. You crown me, You move me, You save me, You shelter me, You forgive me, You make me in Your image.